Physical Phitness and a love of Drink

I don't understand why two things need to be completely, mutually, exclusive. I have a great desire to be healthy. I would like to live a long time and bare (bear) many children and live see if all my predictions for the year 2118 come true and son on and so forth. But I love to drink and smoke and indulge in acts of physical pleasure that most bone saws (that would be Doctor to all you people who respect the profession) would frown upon. I am not currently unhealthy, but I do have a tendency towards imbibment and I am afraid that in the future this will affect me.

In retrospect (or current spect I guess) this is kind of a silly topic for tonight's rant, but the fact of the mater is I am bored, It is 2 of the clock in the morning and I don't want to sleep. I have bourbon, my book on Teddy Roosevelt (which is very good, it won the Pulitzer) and a computer, so I am bitching and showing an affinity for run-on sentences and comma splices. So I will go on to a different issue.

Book Collecting.

I, Todd (which is a Scotch Gaelic word meaning fox and the Spanish word for fox is Zorro, therefore I am Zorro) am a geek. This is a sad realisation I came to recently. It is true I make the best Martini you have ever tasted and it is true that I can seduce any woman I meet (if I try and/or really care to) I can out box, out drink and out fuck any person that you know, but I am a geek. I love almost nothing more than to sit quietly with a good book and relax with my wife. I have and extensive collection of Hemingway, Kipling and Hunter Thompson novels (first or second editions) and I can argue the finer points of Todd McFarland's career at Marvel comics with anyone I meet.

This seems to tie into my whole problem with dichotomy (thank God for spell check). How is it possible that 2 things that are so different can exist inside of one person or one idea. The only logical answer is that I am in fact one with the cosmos and will exist forever.

Don't worry, I'm already deciding what to drink at your funeral.

So I'm a six...

I took an enneagram test today after work, and it said I was a six. I am the loyal skeptic. This makes some sense to me but it seems to be inherently an oxymoron. Which also makes sense to me. Basically this means that I am loyal, almost to a fault, of my friends and family, but I will almost always question authority and am a basic anarchist. I work hard and try to help others, but I thrive on the edge of chaos. I am my own worst enemy. It also claims that I come from parents that are alcoholic and send mixed signals and that I may not always know how to relate to them (how the fuck did it know that) but I will be loyal to them to the end.

This is all fine and good, the truly weird part of this test is that it is only 2 questions and it got pretty deep into how I am. Am I really that shallow and predictable? What about variations? What about the fact that I am a 24 karat manic depressive and change my mind about life almost daily? This is very strange. However, if you would like to take this test, you can link to it

HERE.

A Certified Case of Ivory Abuse

There is nothing a piano likes more than to be abused. I love a piano. This is true and I will tickle the ivories all night long. I will stroke them and touch them lovingly and bring the melody forward. However, there is nothing those 88 keys like more than to be abused. A good session is one where at the end of it your knees are skinned up and there are blood stains on the ebony. A piano is magic and it is an animal and you must learn to love it and live as one with this Ivory toothed monster...and when you do, it will fulfill you.

Really don't mind if you sit this one out

I have broken the cardinal rule of the Too Much Fun Club. I am not having any fun. I know that this is an expected occurrence in a tumultuous life, however I don't really enjoy it when it happens. The fact of the matter is I love my Wife and I love my life, unfortunately right now I am so focused on surviving that the living part of life is not happening. It's true I drink more than I should, and I laugh every single day, but I work. I work a lot. Yes, you are saying, everyone works. But here is the problem. I am working an opposite schedule from my beautiful wife whom I adore and love with all of my heart. And I don't have anytime to enjoy that which I am working for. I understand the principle of working for another day and I am very fine with this, however, It is not fun. AND I have not had the kind of adventures that you people are expecting me to have. The adventures that would fit nicely under a heading in the Too Much Fun Posts. I'm just Bitching. and I'm Sorry. 'Nuff Said.

People say I'm a drinker...but I'm sober half the time

Me: Do you know who Credence Clearwater Revival are?
Flash (A girl I work with): Are they like the backstreet boys?

This is a true to life transcription of a conversation I had with at work tonight. I was truly aghast. Here I was, trying to bring the gift of music to the masses and introduce them (albeit slowly) to the ways of Too Much Fun, and I was confronted with ignorance. You see, I had just purchased the new album by Jerry Lee Lewis, entitled "Last Man Standing," and I was playing it in the kitchen. One of the songs performed on this disc is "Travelling Band," originally by CCR. I was explaining to my co-workers (all infants by the way) about the history of Rock and Roll and Jerry Lee's importance as well as others in shaping that history. It truly makes me weep that kids today have no idea who these people are or what they did for music. I'm not disparaging today's rockers, there are many current bands that I enjoy, but I also firmly believe that those that did it first need to be recognized and appreciated. If it weren't for Jerry Lee Lewis, there would be no Rolling Stones, If no Rolling Stones than no Led Zeppelin, If no Zeppelin than no Sex Pistols, If no Pistols, no Green Day, Etc ad infinitum. These are the folk that forged the music we enjoy today and they were and are truly groundbreaking. On "Last Man Standing," (A fine disk that everyone should give a listen to) Jerry Lee even does a duet with Kid Rock. Talk about fantastic stuff.

I thank God every day that I was raised in an environment that allowed me the experiences that I have had, and too learn about stuff that isn't force fed to us by the media. In short I am believe that I am one of the last free thinkers to walk this world. I don't like something just because it is "underground" nor do I accept what a magazine tells me is good. I make up my own mind after my own experiences...and then I accept the consequences, but no matter what I know that I have made that choice and that there is no-one to blame but me and me alone. I attempt to broaden minds as I go along, I do not reject things that are "corporate", (unless it that thing truly is bad, then I will reject it with all the strength of my being, like those fucking cucumbers(some day cucumbers, someday, I will destroy you all)) But I also appreciate the things that are independent. Aren't we all trying to be independent ourselves?

Some days I feel that I should just give up and let the youth of today suffer in their ignorance, but then I consider the artists that go un-admired.

An artist without an audience is just masturbating.

The 2006 Holiday Season

This years New Year's eve was one of the most fun I can remember in recent history, in spite of the down side, of which there is always at least one. First of all, I worked on New Year's Eve. I am a barrista, as you should know if you have been faithfully reading the blogs of this justified sinner and party boy (at least as faithful as I have been in publishing). Fortunately we closed the bookstore and therefore the coffee shop at 6:00, which means I was able to get out of that place by 7:00. I was not completely caught unprepared for the festivities however, and as such I brought three flasks to work with me filled respectively with Scotch, Vodka and Irish Cream. These ibibements were enough to help those faithful workers among us get through the evening of inanities at the coffee shop with out taking a hostage.
When the Tank and I got home after work we showered and cleaned up and dressed in our best and were to paint the town a lovely blood red to go with the eyes. Myself, the Tank, The Sharkman and Mr. Sober left our apartment at around 8:00 looking for diversion. Unfortunately the first joint we visited would not let us in. We looked great but unfotunately we over-looked the fact that we needed a reservation to get into the "Tempe Piano Bar" on Ventura. I am ashamed to admit that at this point I panicked. My internal organs function only with a perfectly tuned balance of Lust, Gin, Violence and sea-food and I was afraid I would be thrown off my groove. Luckily just down the street from the Tempe is a great little joint called "Marmalade Cafe," and they always let me in. Parking on the other hand turned out to be an issue. Resorting to desperation I jumped out of the jeep that Mr. Sober was driving and directed traffic on the busy boulevard so that we could get a decent spot, and we entered with zero incident. Kelly, the bartender, seemed to anticipate our arrival and he had my martini already prepared. A perfect 4 to 1 mixture of Bombay and vermouth with a twist of lemon and no olive. I downed it at once to prevent any further mishaps of rage and vertigo. We sat in the corner and ordered. It was a fantastic meal of appetizers (that's all I ever get there...it's all I need) and booze. I had my Martinis, the Sharkman had Tanquerey and Tonics, The Tank had Pinot Grigio and Mr. Sober had diet Pepsi. We ordered Calamari, Bruschetta, Nachos with Guac and some soup. A great time was had, even if I was over served. We returned home so that we could continue the party, meet up with my wife (who also had to work) and watch the ball drop in Times Square.
When we returned to the pad I immediately broke out the gin, as it had been 20 minutes since my last drink and once you really get going the tendency is to keep it up till you can't stand. Unfortunately, there didn't appear to be any mixer, at least any mixer that I wanted, so I began drinking the gin straight with only a couple of ice cubes. Everyone else was drinking Champagne. Wisely I had bought a case plus some at cost-co in preparation for the festivities. The rest of the evening went exactly as you might expect from a gathering of the too much fun club, including the champagne cork battle at the end of the evening. As a side note, those sons a bitches hurt when they hit you. To bed at around 3:30 and up again at ten...it sucks but I had to work. Thank God I work at a place where the coffee flows like water.