Drink to the Dead

Greetings Faithful readers and unknown members, allow me if you will to spin the yarn of our adventures this past weekend. In honour of the coming holiday, some members of the Los Angeles branch of the Too Much Fun Club went to a pumpkin festival. This particular festival was being held at Pierce College just down the road from our current head-quarters. The Sharkman, The Wiff and myself figured fun could be had for minimal cost, and we began our trek on Sunday Night at about 6:15pm. Our original plan was to go and check it out, not spend too much money and of course, to have fun. Arriving at the festival at approximately 6:30pm, I wasn't too impressed, there was a stage set up where a Danzig cover band was muddling through a poor mix of "Twist of Cain", there was an inflatable slide, a jump machine, which seemed pretty cool, a five car Ferris wheel and a Corn Maze. What? A Corn maze how cool is that?!? Immediately upon noticing it, the corn maze grabbed our attention. We sidled up to the line that led to the entrance of the maze in order that we might investigate further. We were at first dis-heartened by the sign, because it stated that the cost of the maze was Twelve dollars per person above and beyond the cost of admission. The biggest problem here, of course, was that we did not in fact pay to get in. We just walked in and nobody stopped us. Once again however, my Amazing Wife the wiff solved our problems. She immediately began searching out families that had small children and talked them all up. After befriending them, they invariably gave her a ticket because "it looks too scary for out little one." That woman is amazing. I am not at this advocating anything dishonest. We neither stole nor swindled, we simply talked to people who were not going to go through the maze anyway.
At This point let me tell you about the Corn Maze. It was set in a corn field of unknown acreage and the trail itself was approximately a mile long. They did not allow any flashlights, cell-phones or cameras into the maze and it was very very dark. We began walking at an easy pace with no view of the people in front of us or behind us because entrances are timed. Walking through the maze itself was very cool. There were many twists and turns and nooks and crannies throughout. When the monsters began jumping out at us it got very interesting. The wiff, close to the very beginning got so scared that she collapsed into a little ball, unfortunately while doing so she head-butted my elbow and blackened her own eyes. (note the picture) Then further on through the maze she froze completely when the chainsaw man approached her. After some prodding that we needed to continue She took off running Shouting at the top of her lungs "I KNOW YOU"RE THERE!" All of the ghouls were forced to get out of her way. We all had a great laugh after it was through and I really respect the job that was done. The maze was efficient, very well put together, the employees knew their jobs very well and it was genuinely frightening.
When we left the festival we had some pizza and gin. It was a good night. I'm looking forward to the Haunted house that we are going to on Tuesday. I'll keep you all posted.



Drink to the dead all you still alive
We shall join them in good time
May you go marching in three measure time
Dressed up as asses, drunk to the nines
Swing from the rafters
Shouting those songs
Gone unsung for far too long

My attention span and ...

I never know from day to day what is going to happen in my apartment. For instance in the past month I have had a wedding in my apartment, and a crazy lady who ate my chocolate. These are of course different stories for a different time. This is a story about last night. "But Todd," your saying to yourself," I want to hear the stories of crazy people and weddings." To which my reply is "there's what, 3 of you that will ever read this, so fuck off, I'll tell the story I want." And yes that boys and girls was a run on sentence...Where was I..? Oh Yes, last night. I left work early because I was really pissed off trying to convince HTML that it was able to do 2 client side includes with out turning into a toaster and went home and started drinking. That is after all how I solve all of my problems.

After minutes of fun with a rainbow colored Martini glass, both Sharkman and the Wiff came home. We had some dinner that I made in between shots of flaming Sake (another story for another time(Fuck Off kotwf...My blog)) it was some sort of island teriyaki chicken with rice and beans. It was pretty good...And filling. The wiff went off to do some homework (yes lady and gentleman (note that it is singular) she is a teacher. Cool huh?) And the sharkman and I got down to some serious drinking.

Originally we were going to watch the game, I do on occasion like baseball, and it is the world series. As the game was rained out we realized that we had to wither come up with something else to do...Or we would be forced to watch re-runs of "the war at home." With these choices in front of us we flipped madly through the channels hoping for something to catch our eyes(s). Eventually we landed on the Asian Television Network. Let me tell you folks that if you have never sat and watched Asian TV, you are seriously missing the boat. NO it is not in English, nor are there subtitles. This is part of the fun. If you get a room full of drunks (more people showed up of course, charter members of the club) especially the friends of the club, hey will make up their own lines and stories...And drinking games. Yes my friend it was a long evening of drinking games in a language none of us would ever understand, followed by surfing the net for facts on Chuck Norris. This may not seem like much to you, but I assure you, fun was had and virgins were conquered...Or something like that any way.

Res Ipso Loquitor

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Third Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Extreme
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Even a Slow Weekend can Offer a Diversion

It was indeed a sloe weekend. See...one of the problems with growing up is that as an adult there are certain responsibilities that you have and sometimes shit needs to get done. However, because I want to believe that there are people out there that will read this and I have a big enough ego to think that what I say is important, I am doing a post anyway. I discovered this weekend, thanks in large part to the New York Times, a new game. There are those out there that play fantasy football, I don't really understand this. I like to watch football, but I to create my own dream team of different players and then use an arbitrary scoring system that has little relevance to the actual games seems silly. I am however going to start playing Fantasy Politics. What's fantasy politics you ask? Well friends allow me to enlighten you. There is a website, the link is: www.fantasycongress.us, and on this website you can create a "team" of members of congress and score points for how well they navigate the morass of the legislative system and get bills made into laws. Sounds like a little bit too much fun doesn't it...well read our charter; too much fun is what we are all about.

Now, I leave you on a completely unrelated note, the lyrics to "French Inhaler", by Warren Zevon. Because it's my blog and I can.:

(Warren Zevon)

How're you going to make your way in the world
When you weren't cut out for working
When your fingers are slender and frail
How're you going to get around
In this sleazy bedroom town
If you don't put yourself up for sale

Where will you go with your scarves and your miracles
Who's gonna know who you are
Drugs and wine and flattering light
You must try it again till you get it right
Maybe you'll end up with someone different every night

All these people with no home to go home to
They'd all like to spend the night with you
Maybe I would, too

But tell me
How're you going to make your way in the world, woman
When you weren't cut out for working
And you just can't concentrate
And you always show up late

You said you were an actress
Yes, I believe you are
I thought you'd be a star
So I drank up all the money,
Yes, I drank up all the money,
With these phonies in this Hollywood bar,
These friends of mine in this Hollywood bar

Loneliness and frustration
We both came down with an acute case
And when the lights came up at two
I caught a glimpse of you
And your face looked like something
Death brought with him in his suitcase

Your pretty face
It looked so wasted
Another pretty face
Devastated
The French Inhaler
He stamped and mailed her
"So long, Norman"
She said, "So long, Norman"

A hard fought weekend and another year survived

When you wake up on Saturday in your clothes and you're not sure of where you are...You know it was a good party. Such was the aftermath of the annual birthday celebration for my Queen. The party this year was a little bit more impromptu, as her royal drunkenness was sick with a stomach virus through most of the week, and we weren't sure if we would even be able to celebrate. Fortunately, the fear of going through the birthday weekend with-out a bacchanal was a little much, and her humours quickly came back into balance when the party was threatened and Thursday night we began planning. We called several of our friends and co-revelers and announced the get together, to which the reply was a mighty "Huzzah!" (which I think means "yay!" but I'm not too sure.) and the party was indeed penned in for the following night.

Immediately after I left the building of my employment on that Friday (Oct. 13, the day of the party for those of you not paying attention) I went to my apartment and grabbed Jeffrey the Jeff and we went shopping. Of course we needed Gin and Tequila, Limes and Corona, Lobster and Baguettes, butter and salt, but we also needed sixteen pounds of peanut butter M&M's, four bags of ice, sherry, Chocolate cake, plastic spoons, trick candles, and a cattle prod (hey...You never know.) We then raced back to the apartment to prepare. The first thing we did upon walking through the door was mix up "Captain Martin" for the Jeff and my self, as we were going to be cooking, we needed the Dutch courage, followed by us going back out to the car to get the necessities as in our rush we left them in the trunk. Now we were set. We started boiling the water and we waited. And we waited. And we waited. The birthday girl was getting pretty bored so she began making her specialty Margharita (for those of you faithful readers who don't yet know, these are mostly tequila and a splash of lime, over ice. Makes for an interesting evening, let me tell you.) Finally the water began to boil and I was able to send the sea-roaches to the big casino. At this point I felt that it would be best if I took over drink making from the queen, especially since the guests began arriving and most of them like a little more than lime flavored tequila in their Margharitas.

As soon as the first guest arrived, they all seemed to arrive, and before long we had a household of folk dancing and laughing and merrymaking. It is exactly what you could expect from a get together of the too much fun club. We celebrated from 7-ish till way way late and enjoyed every minute of it. The bisque was fantastic, the gin was crisp and good and the cake was cake. Once again, true believers, too much fun was had, we just wish you all had been there too.

Our first contoversy, and a test of our character.

Greetings true believers, I didn't expect to be writing again so soon, but there have been certain events that I feel need to be mentioned. Upon viewing my writings of yesterday, a member has asked to be removed from the honour roll. I have to admit that I am a little bit hurt by the fact that someone would wish to be dis-associated from me and mine publicly, however, as I said, we are at core good people, so I will do as this person wishes. I have to wonder though, what sort of fear and loathing exists in a persons heart that would makle them re-act in a such a negative way to an informal society dedicatated to laughter. Is it a terror of the "net" and the wackos out there and what they may do? or is it a hatred of fun itself? Though I don't really believe that that last one is truly the case, as I have seen this person have fun. No it must be the misgivings of personal privacy and the anxiety that someone else may know you exist that would make this person ask this. I am a man of my word however and my character is strong, so I have done my friends bidding. I bare no ill-will towards this person and I wish them all the happiness and fun that they can manage.

A short blog today, and a sad note...but I guess we really are too much fun.

The Blood Sport of the Internet

Blogging...it seems to me that this is the wave of the future. I have seen the stars turn in the heavens and I have seen a strong man cry. Now I have joined the techno-age and all shall cower before the greatness of my wit, wisdom, grace and really bitchin sword...Just playing. I have, though, looked at the world at large and seen that all who posess any margin of techno-know-how and an ego are posting a blog, and I figured,"why not? Shit...could be fun." Besides I believe that people are interested in me and the wacky antics of my hangers on, so...here goes.

My name is Todd, or The Todd, or Burning Daylight, or Baghdad Jones, or The Cloudgatherer...and I am the founding member of the too much fun club. We are a group of people who are dedicated to a life of enjoyment, bacchanalia, sport, politics, rum, music, mischief, and of course fun. This is not to say that we are a group of degenerate wastrals who do nothing that is not related in some way to debauchery and merry-making. We all have real jobs and are, for the most part, decent people. We have just come to the realisation that life only happens to those that live it and when your time is done, you are done. Not to discredit religion and the soul, but I may not be back.

Other member of the club (also known as the honour roll) are as follows:

Heather Elliott (My Wife)
Jeff Potts (My Roommate)
Joseph Baker (A random Fella)
Neil Witherell (Nextdoor Neighbor)
Trystan Hill (My Australian)
David Monge (My Token Hispanic Friend)
The Arbitor (Heather's Turtle)
Mark Metzger (My Director)
Dr. Hunter Stockton Thompson (President Emeritus)

honourary members include (but are not limited too):

W. Trent Elliott (my brother)
Jenny Elliott (his wife)
Mallory Elliott (The Cutest)
Tanner O'Connor (My Other Brother)
Tiffany Elliott (My sister)
Skip Hobba (My Cousin)
Kirby Hobba (His Wife)
Kayla Hobba (The Cutest number 2)
Jasmine (The Cutest number 3)
John and Trish Miller (Good Friends and Original Members)
Tony Gultice (My Hacker)
David and Maria Combs (Too much Fun, Middletown Branch)
Ginger and Mike O'Connor and Scott and Amy Elliott (My parents and without whom I would not even know what too much fun was)

That's all for now. and now that you know who we are, I will begin to post stories of our adventures as well as pictures as soon as I load them.

Watch out world...here's lookin up yer kilt.